You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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