I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
