im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
