You just made me feel so damn special
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
