I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
