Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
