bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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