was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
