don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
