i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
