I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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