i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
