I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
