yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
