If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
