Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
