my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
