i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
