My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
