my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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