Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
