I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
