bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
