So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Sober January is a disaster.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
