1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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