sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
