this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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