Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
