just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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