never play flip cup with pint glasses
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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