Plan B is the new Plan A
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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