They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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