i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
