Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
