i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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