you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
