I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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