i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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