just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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