smell my finger.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
