Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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