So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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