I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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