dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
im six kinds of drunk right now
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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