dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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