Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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