4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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