I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
