I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
