Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
